These Phrases from A Father That Saved Me as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You require some help. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a wider failure to open up between men, who still hold onto negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - going on a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the best way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."